Trump Vs Biden: The Babylon Bee's Top Articles From The 2020 Election
Politics

After a tumultuous and bitter primary, America was offered an impossible choice between two amazing and wonderful people: Donald Trump and Joe Biden. It's the timeless tale of good versus evil, or evil versus good, depending on which political party you support. 

Who will win this epic battle? Here's a review of the 2020 campaign to help you with your decision! The following list will pretty much tell you everything you need to know: 

After a long and bloody struggle on the field of political battle, two heroes emerged, victorious.

Search For The Two Best Possible Candidates For President Concludes

 

Biden won the hearts of Americans with his endearing impression of a classic creepy uncle.

Biden Aides Forced To Use The Spray Bottle Again

 

Tyco Toys Announces 'Tickle You Biden' Plush

 

Biden Cuts Hole In Mask So He Can Still Sniff People's Hair

 

Judge Dismisses Sexual Assault Allegations Against Biden On Grounds That He Is Not A Republican

 

Trump won hearts and minds by fighting off impeachment, CHAZ rioters, and fake news at the same time, all while saving America from COVID lockdowns.

Trump's Power Doubles After Absorbing Impeachment Attack

 

Trump Installs Ejection Seats Throughout Press Briefing Room

 

Trump Establishes Manlier CHAD Camp Next To CHAZ Camp

 

Trump Threatens More Plagues Unless State Governors Let His People Go

 

Some concerns were raised about Biden's record on race...

Protesters Pull Down Joe Biden After Mistaking Him For Old Racist Statue

 

Biden: 'If You Don't Let Me Sniff Your Hair, You Ain't A Woman'

 

Black Man Votes Republican, Immediately Turns White

 

Democrats Clarify That Black Lives Will Only Matter Until November

 

Biden Attempts To Appeal To Hispanics By Performing Authentic Mexican Hat Dance While Firing Pistols Into The Air

 

...and law enforcement...

Biden Suggests Stopping Criminals By Making Them Slip On Banana Peels

 

...as well as his cognitive abilities.

In Another Hilarious Gaffe, Biden Shouts, 'Help Me! I Don’t Want To Do This Anymore!'

 

Biden Covers Body In Tattoos To Constantly Remind Himself Who He Is And What He's Doing

 

Biden Proves Healthy Cognition By Flawlessly Reciting All The Sounds Animals Can Make

 

But Biden put all concerns to rest after picking a woman of color as his running mate. 

Biden To Save Taxpayers Nearly 30% By Selecting Female VP

 

Biden: 'Not Only Will I Appoint A Woman Running Mate, But I Will Stand Behind Her At All Times'

 

Biden Says He Can't Wait To Find Out Who He Picked For VP

 

Biden Campaign Says He Is So Close To A VP Pick He Can Smell Her

 

Biden: 'I've Selected Kamala Harris To Be Our Next President'

 

Kamala Harris quickly won the hearts of everyone in America.

Kamala Harris Proposes Housing Plan Where Everybody Gets Free 10'x10' Room And Three Meals A Day

 

Kamala Harris's Ratings Plummet As People Realize They'd Have To Listen To Her Voice For Next 4 Years

 

Biden's path to the presidency seemed even clearer after receiving a key endorsement from a little-known community organizer named Obama.

Obama: 'Biden Has Touched Us All'

 

Meanwhile, Trump helped his campaign with this exclusive, must-read interview with The Babylon Bee... 

Exclusive Interview: Trump Opens Up To The Babylon Bee On The Challenges Of Being The Smartest, Most Popular President Ever

 

...and by catching Coronavirus just so he could beat it.

Media Criticizes Trump For Downplaying Virus Threat By Not Dying

 

Donald The Orange Returns Triumphantly As Donald The White

 

The debates gave us a clear picture of what's so great about the candidates and their running mates.

Experts Predict Winner Will Be Candidate Who Talks The Least

 

Man Who Has Been In Government For Nearly 50 Years Promises To Fix Government

 

Chris Wallace's Impartiality Questioned Due To His Giant Foam Finger Reading 'Biden 2020'

 

Democrats Propose Mail-In Debates

 

Trump Throws Biden Off His Game By Wearing Luscious Women's Wig To Debate

 

Kamala Harris Pulls Fire Alarm When Asked About Packing The Supreme Court

 

VP Debate Crowd Goes Wild As Trump Emerges With A Steel Chair

 

The press went after Trump to promise a peaceful transfer of power if he loses...

Trump Suggests Replacing Unfair Elections With New System Where Eligible Male Heir Inherits The Presidency

 

Trump Announces He Will Only Leave Office If A Challenger Beats Him In Ritual Combat

 

Trump Says His Civil War Will Be Even Better Than Lincoln's

 

...and his answers caused journalists to discreetly express a moderate amount of concern.

Op-Ed: What If Trump Refuses To Leave Office And Also What If He Grows Fifty Feet Tall And Shoots Lasers Out Of His Eyes?

 

Journalists also asked Biden a question or two. 

Biden Insists He Won't Reveal His Position On Hair-Sniffing Until After Election

 

The Democrat Party did its best to swing the election in their favor...

Hillary Clinton Suggests That Americans Vote For President By Email

 

Biden Unveils Vote-By-Telegram Proposal

 

Governor Newsom Orders Ballots To Be Sent To Every Cemetery In State

 

Teachers Unions Promise School Will Resume As Soon As The Teachers Are Done Campaigning For Biden

 

...and Trump responded by trying to swing the election in his favor. 

Trump Drives Around Playing Mailbox Baseball In Latest Voter Suppression Scheme

 

Mailman Chased By Rabid Trump

 

In the final months, anonymous sources attempted to derail Trump's campaign...

Anonymous White House Source Claims Trump Punched A Baby

 

...and a corruption scandal almost derailed Biden's campaign. 

Hunter Biden Quietly Takes Down ‘Meeting With My Dad’ Craigslist Ad

 

Luckily, Twitter was there to help!

Twitter Shuts Down Entire Network To Slow Spread Of Negative Biden News

 

The candidates gave their final appeals to voters.

Biden Campaign Reveals Plans For Oval Basement

 

Trump Aides Beg Him To Call A Lid After He Drinks 45 Cups Of Coffee And Campaigns For 237 Hours Straight

 

Finally, it was time to head to the polls!

Improved Voting Machine Will Ask If A Celebrity Told You To Vote So It Can Immediately Discard Your Ballot

 

Trump Supporters Attempt To Frighten Liberals Away From Polls With MAGA Scarecrows

 

Chelsea Handler Patrols Polling Places To Make Sure No Black People Are Voting For Trump

 

Business Owners Boarding Up In Case Party Of Love And Tolerance Loses

 

That's the most comprehensive and accurate review of the 2020 campaign you'll find anywhere. We hope this helps you make the best decision possible! Be safe out there!

For our epic review of the insane Democratic primaries, CLICK HERE.  

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