Biden Polling Well Among Pentecostals After He Speaks In Tongues
Politics

DALLAS, PA—Pentecostals across the nation are swinging toward Biden after an event at Dallas High School in Pennsylvania. According to stunned witnesses, Biden became filled with the Spirit and uttered the incomprehensible word "trunalimunumaprzure" toward the end of his speech.

"Man -- I was leaning toward Trump," said local Assemblies of God pastor Chet Whipperton. "But Biden really brought the fire today. I haven't seen an outpouring like that since Trump tweeted the mysterious angelic phrase 'covfefe.' I haven't decided for sure, but Biden is looking pretty good after today."

Pentecostal scholars have asked for someone with the spiritual gift of interpretation to step forward and translate the mysterious phrase "trunalimunumaprzure" so the world may understand Biden's mysterious utterances. 

"This may be the key to the election!" said Whipperton.

After a nationwide search, an interpreter named Bo Bittington was found in Kentucky. "Trunalimunumaprzure? That's easy, man," said Bittington. "It means Trump's gonna win."

Experts in the Biden camp consulted their own spiritual interpreters, who confirmed that the phrase means Biden will win.

Both camps are looking forward to finding out who was right when all the votes are counted in 8 months. 


A Babylon Bee subscriber contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here!
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