The American political scene, usually so tranquil and civil, has recently descended into turmoil over something called "gerrymandering." Here is what you need to know about the practice that is tearing us all apart:
What does it mean to gerrymander?
Gerrymandering is the process of elected officials redrawing the map boundaries of voting districts in order to make cool shapes. Illinois, for example, famously drew their district map into Van Gogh's "Starry Night."
Why are people so mad about gerrymandering?
When the district boundaries are changed, it can help one party get elected more easily, which is exactly how Hitler rose to power.
Why are Republicans currently wanting to redraw the districts?
The districts need to be redrawn in order to be effectively racist. Every so often, Republicans look at the map and say, "Hey! That doesn't look racist enough." Then, the map has to be redone.
Who gets to redraw the voting district maps?
There is a longstanding tradition that state representatives of the party in power get absolutely plastered and then race around the Capitol building. Whoever comes in first (without vomiting) gets to do the honors.
Why do Democrats always leave Texas over gerrymandering?
Democrats have migrated out of Texas during gerrymandering season for many decades now. Scientists believe there is some innate instinct which alerts them it is time to migrate, though the reasons for their migration pattern remain elusive.
Gerrymander sure is a funny word. Where does it come from?
In World War II, the Allied Forces took to calling Nazi soldiers "jerry's", a slang shortening of the word "German". The term "mander" means "to mandate", so gerrymander essentially means "to mandate Naziism."
Do Democrats ever gerrymander?
Yes, but when Democrats gerrymander, it's actually the bedrock of democracy and literally saves the world.
What happens if an unfair map is drawn, can it be thrown out?
If the district boundaries give one party an unfair advantage, a judge may throw the map out. In such cases, the map is then drawn by a guy named Jerry Mander, who lives up in Springfield. Jerry's map cannot be contested.
We hope this guide helps you understand what all the fuss is about. Good luck, Texas.
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