WASHINGTON, DC — Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez admitted to friends that it's been hard to find single men at her workplace under the age of ninety.
The Congresswoman said finding guys in her age range has proven harder than she thought it would be, with most of the available men at the office being born before World War II.
"I'm trying to put myself out there, but it's been a struggle," said AOC. "Every time I start texting with a guy, it turns out he's in an iron lung. It's pretty much nonagenarian or nothing up here. I'm working to be a little more open to an age difference, but I'd really like someone who wasn't born during Depression."
Other single women in Congress have expressed similar concerns with the dating pool on Capitol Hill, with the majority of men clocking in at ages older than the invention of the cotton gin. "At this point, I'd settle for any guy who doesn't use a walker," said Representative Sara Jacobs, commiserating. "Every time a young guy does come to the office, he's arrested the next day for doing coke off a bunch of Chinese spies. Same song, different verse."
At publishing time, AOC had announced on social media that she has started dating the only honest bachelor left in politics: Mr. Hunter Biden.
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