Babylon Bee logo Babylon Bee logo
News Videos Shop
Newsletter
Search
Join
Join
Login
News Videos
Newsletter
Shop Search
Babylon Bee Babylon Bee
News Videos Shop
Newsletter
Search
Join
Join
Login
News Trending
Newsletter
Shop Search
Skip to main content
Man Returns To Work From Long Weekend Refreshed And Ready To Give Mediocre Effort - Article image
Life · Sep 8, 2026 · 46
Man Returns To Work From Long Weekend Refreshed And Ready To Give Mediocre Effort

ROME, GA - After a long holiday weekend, local man Kevin Simpson returned to his office at River City Bank this morning, refreshed and ready to give a...

Disciples Shocked As Apostle Paul Returns From Prison Tattooed And Totally Ripped - Article image
Scripture · Sep 8, 2026 · 32
Disciples Shocked As Apostle Paul Returns From Prison Tattooed And Totally Ripped

PHILIPPI - According to sources, the disciples at Lydia's house were shocked to see that Paul had returned from prison covered in tattoos and "totally...

God Promises To Spare Massachusetts If State Can Find 12 Competent Jurors - Article image
U.S. · Sep 8, 2026 · 45
God Promises To Spare Massachusetts If State Can Find 12 Competent Jurors

BOSTON, MA - A new report revealed that God promised to spare the state of Massachusetts if legal officials there can find at least 12 competent resid...
Senate Approves Mitch McConnell Working Remotely From Grave
Senate Approves Mitch McConnell Working Remotely From Grave
Senate Approves Mitch McConnell Working Remotely From Grave - Featured article image
Politics · Sep 8, 2026 · 50

WASHINGTON, D.C. - As the U.S. Congress prepared to return to work next week, one major lingering question was answered as the Senate approved a reque...

News Station Adds Chick-Fil-A Drive Thru Wait Times To Traffic Report - Article image
Media · Sep 8, 2026 · 44
News Station Adds Chick-Fil-A Drive Thru Wait Times To Traffic Report

LUBBOCK, TX - In an effort to better serve residents, one local news station added Chick-Fil-A drive-thru wait times to its morning traffic report.

Media · Sep 8, 2026 · 44
News Station Adds Chick-Fil-A Drive Thru Wait Times To Traffic Report

News Station Adds Chick-Fil-A Drive Thru Wait Times To Traffic Report - Featured article image
LUBBOCK, TX - In an effort to better serve residents, one local news station added Chick-Fil-A drive-thru wait times to its morning traffic report.
God Promises To Spare Massachusetts If State Can Find 12 Competent Jurors - Article image
U.S. · Sep 8, 2026 · 45
God Promises To Spare Massachusetts If State Can Find 12 Competent Jurors

BOSTON, MA - A new report revealed that God promised to spare the state of Massachusetts if legal officials there can find at least 12 competent resid...

Subscriber Headlines

Pastor Agonizing About Which Greek Word To Explain This Week In His Sermon

Aug 29, 2026 | Farming Like Nineteen Ninety Nine


Life Hack: Man Names New Dog ‘vop-3Zeq-nuv’ So He Can Remember His Password

Sep 8, 2026 | T e e j


Apple Announces New IPhone Will Exist Entirely In The Cloud

Aug 27, 2026 | T e e j

Visit Forum


Latest

View All
California Teen Flunks Driver's License Test For Fully Stopping At Stop Sign - Article image
California Teen Flunks Driver's License Test For Fully Stopping At Stop Sign
Life · Sep 7, 2026 · 85
Breaking: Justice Still In The Hands Of God - Article image
Breaking: Justice Still In The Hands Of God
Theology · Sep 5, 2026 · 99
College Football Star Horrified He Might Be Drafted And Have To Take Huge Pay Cut - Article image
College Football Star Horrified He Might Be Drafted And Have To Take Huge Pay Cut
Sports · Sep 5, 2026 · 42
Nation Votes To Remove Massachusetts - Article image
Nation Votes To Remove Massachusetts
U.S. · Sep 5, 2026 · 90
Oh No! Peter Forgives Neighbor 73 Times, But Then Lost Count And Now He’s Got To Start Over - Article image
Oh No! Peter Forgives Neighbor 73 Times, But Then Lost Count And Now He’s Got To Start Over
Scripture · Sep 4, 2026 · 71
Hollywood Colorist Fired After Accidentally Leaving Color In Film - Article image
Hollywood Colorist Fired After Accidentally Leaving Color In Film
Entertainment · Sep 4, 2026 · 63

Buzzing

View All
Breakthrough As Scientists At University Of Michigan Develop Ability To Travel Back In Time One Second - Article image
Sports · Sep 6, 2026 · 88
Breakthrough As Scientists At University Of Michigan Develop Ability To Travel Back In Time One Second

ANN ARBOR - In one of the most remarkable technological breakthroughs of the past millennium, scientists at the University of Michigan have successful...
Nation’s Murderers Excited To Learn Killing Legal If You Say You Were Sad - Article image
U.S. · Sep 7, 2026 · 86
Nation’s Murderers Excited To Learn Killing Legal If You Say You Were Sad

U.S. - Millions of murderers across the country expressed overwhelming optimism today following reports that killing someone is effectively legal, pro...
Women Honor Gloria Steinem By Leaving Kids At Daycare And Working 9 Hours At Jobs They Hate - Article image
Worldviews · Sep 7, 2026 · 62
Women Honor Gloria Steinem By Leaving Kids At Daycare And Working 9 Hours At Jobs They Hate

U.S. - Women across America honored the passing of feminist icon Gloria Steinem by dropping their kids off at daycare and heading to work for 9 hours ...
Controversy In Michigan Tarnishes NCAA’s Otherwise Perfect Reputation - Article image
Sports · Sep 6, 2026 · 43
Controversy In Michigan Tarnishes NCAA’s Otherwise Perfect Reputation

ANN ARBOR, MI - A highly controversial ending at Michigan Stadium has unfortunately put a slight black eye on the NCAA's otherwise sterling reputation...

Must Read

State Of Massachusetts Declared Incompetent By Reason Of Insanity - Article image
U.S. · Sep 4, 2026 · 98
State Of Massachusetts Declared Incompetent By Reason Of Insanity

U.S. - The State of Massachusetts has officially been ruled incompetent by reason of insanity.
The Babylon Bee Guide To Boomer Slang - Article image
The Bee Explains · Sep 2, 2026 · 193
The Babylon Bee Guide To Boomer Slang

Connecting with the older folk can be a challenge, especially when you have a hard time understanding what they're saying. But don't worry, if you put...
Trump Renames The Montreal Canadiens As The Montreal Americans - Article image
Sports · Sep 4, 2026 · 53
Trump Renames The Montreal Canadiens As The Montreal Americans

WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Donald Trump announced on Friday that he had successfully annexed the Canadian hockey team, the Montreal Canadiens, and w...
Mayor Mamdani Up All Night Practicing Sad Face For Upcoming 9/11 Observance - Article image
Politics · Sep 4, 2026 · 70
Mayor Mamdani Up All Night Practicing Sad Face For Upcoming 9/11 Observance

NEW YORK, NY - New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani was reportedly seen standing in front of his bathroom mirror practicing his "sad face" in preparatio...

Don't Miss

Pelosi Announces Bid For Two More Years Of Insider Trading - Article image
Politics · Sep 8, 2023 · 129
Pelosi Announces Bid For Two More Years Of Insider Trading

WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a surprise announcement, Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi confirmed she will be seeking reelection for yet another 2-year term of lucr...
Devil Requests Stimulus Funds To Widen The Road To Hell As Traffic Increases - Article image
Devil Requests Stimulus Funds To Widen The Road To Hell As Traffic Increases
Politics · Jan 22, 2021 · 100
FDA Approves Ritalin To Treat Hyper-Calvinism - Article image
FDA Approves Ritalin To Treat Hyper-Calvinism
U.S. · Jun 25, 2016 · 14
CDC Advises Those With Diarrhea Parasite To Stay Within Six Feet Of Toilet - Article image
CDC Advises Those With Diarrhea Parasite To Stay Within Six Feet Of Toilet
Health · Jul 16, 2026 · 37
10 Theses From Martin Luther That Didn't Quite Make The Cut - Article image
10 Theses From Martin Luther That Didn't Quite Make The Cut
Sponsored · Aug 15, 2023 · 202
Bible Study Group Stays On Topic For Entire Meeting - Article image
Bible Study Group Stays On Topic For Entire Meeting
Christian Living · Jun 19, 2017 · 6
Comedy Writers Arrested At Capitol Sentenced To Keep Writing For Colbert - Article image
Comedy Writers Arrested At Capitol Sentenced To Keep Writing For Colbert
Entertainment · Jul 20, 2022 · 51

Premium Content

View All
Happy Labor Day 2026! - Article image
Premium · Sep 7, 2026 · 83
Happy Labor Day 2026!

Did you know that Labor Day became a federal holiday on June 28, 1894, after being signed into law by President Grover Cleveland? Well, now you do.
Subscriber Sneak Peek: The Bee's New Project - Article image
Premium · Aug 31, 2026 · 74
Subscriber Sneak Peek: The Bee's New Project

Salutations, intrepid subscribers!
Trump-Leavitt Headline Challenge Winner Revealed - Article image
Premium · Aug 27, 2026 · 76
Trump-Leavitt Headline Challenge Winner Revealed

The Bee editors have waded forth through the seas of satire and are prepared to announce the headline challenge winner. Congratulations to @dontslowth...
Photo Headline Challenge: Trump Likes Headlines - Article image
Premium · Aug 24, 2026 · 106
Photo Headline Challenge: Trump Likes Headlines

Amid the departure of White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt, Trump wanted to share some recent headlines that he really enjoyed. Can you write ...

Greatest Hits

View All
In Genius Move, Trump Supports Impeachment, Forcing Democrats To Oppose - Article image
In Genius Move, Trump Supports Impeachment, Forcing Democrats To Oppose
Politics · Nov 18, 2019 · 8
CDC Now Recommends Wearing A Seat Belt Even When You’re Outside The Car - Article image
CDC Now Recommends Wearing A Seat Belt Even When You’re Outside The Car
Health · Apr 28, 2021 · 172
Panic Erupts On Flight As Captain Of Female Crew Announces That 'Everything's Fine' - Article image
Panic Erupts On Flight As Captain Of Female Crew Announces That 'Everything's Fine'
U.S. · Mar 5, 2023 · 184
Motorcyclist Who Identifies As Bicyclist Sets Cycling World Record - Article image
Motorcyclist Who Identifies As Bicyclist Sets Cycling World Record
Sports · Oct 25, 2019 · 45
Study Finds Connection Between Believing Russia Rigged 2016 Election And Believing 2020 Election Was Foolproof - Article image
Study Finds Connection Between Believing Russia Rigged 2016 Election And Believing 2020 Election Was Foolproof
Politics · Nov 17, 2020 · 69
Immediately After Moving To Texas, Elon Musk Announces Tesla AR-15 - Article image
Immediately After Moving To Texas, Elon Musk Announces Tesla AR-15
Tech · Dec 9, 2020 · 103

All News

Support

  • Contact
  • About
  • Terms
  • Privacy
  • Donate

Our Sites

  • The Babylon Bee
  • Not the Bee

Socials

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • X (Twitter)

Other Links

  • YouTube
  • RSS
Facebook Instagram Twitter YouTube RSS

© 2026 Babylon Bee. All rights reserved.