New York Times Publishes Guest Editorial By Emperor Palpatine
Politics · Feb 25, 2020 ·

NEW YORK, NY - The New York Times is America's most trusted newspaper, always reporting just the facts and never doing anything that would make the people wonder if they're some kind of adversary of the populace.

But even our heroes make mistakes, and the Times is taking some heat for publishing a guest op-ed by Emperor Palpatine entitled "What We, the Empire, Want."

In the piece, Palpatine lays out exactly what the Empire wants in the Galactic Civil War, namely, to crush its enemies and blow up a lot of planets. "We also would like to turn people to the Dark Side of the Force and kill younglings."

"Did I mention blowing up planets? Because honestly, that part is really cool," the piece continues.

"We simply wanted to give some perspective to the ongoing conflict," the Times wrote in response to the backlash. "We are just keeping the people informed and are not necessarily endorsing everything he wrote. Besides, how do we know he's really the bad guy? I mean, he does have the dark cloak and the hand-lightning thing going on. As well as the evil, yellow eyes, and the cackling. So much cackling."

"But let's not rush to judgment."

Much of the editorial is also him just writing, "Good, good," and "Let the hate flow through you" along with more maniacal cackling.


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