Politics
Experts Predict Winner Will Be Candidate Who Talks The Least

U.S.—Experts are predicting the winner of the 2020 election will be whichever candidate talks the least.

Analysis suggests whenever one of the candidates opens his mouth, his poll numbers plummet. This has led to a cunning race where both campaigns are desperately trying to get their candidate to just stop talking and do some damage control whenever their candidate manages to speak his mind.

"This obviously gives the advantage to Biden, since his aides don't let him out of the basement, and Trump runs his own Twitter account," said one analyst, "but don't count Trump out yet. Whenever Biden breaks out and starts saying something, anything, Trump rapidly gains on Biden."

The political race has been a real seesaw, as Biden says something dumb and Trump makes up all his lost ground. But then, inevitably, Trump also says something dumb, and then Biden regains the lead. And then, Biden will say something really dumb, and it will seem like all hope is lost for the Democrats. But then, not wanting to be outdone, Trump will say something even worse, even though you didn't think it was possible.

"It's a real neck and neck race out there," said one Biden aide as she checked Twitter. "Oh, no. Biden just said something. Gotta go."

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