Op-Ed: What If Trump Refuses To Leave Office And Also What If He Grows Fifty Feet Tall And Shoots Lasers Out Of His Eyes?
Opinion · Mar 11, 2020 · BabylonBee.com

Democrats continue to treat the current election like a normal election, but things aren't normal, as Donald Trump is a threat like our country has never seen before. The Democrats believe that if they nominate the right candidate, they can defeat Trump in the election and be done with him, but what if things aren't so simple? Have we at all considered the possibility that if Trump is democratically defeated, he might simply refuse to leave office? And have we also considered that if we then try to remove him by force, he might grow to be fifty feet tall and shoot lasers out of his eyes?

It simply tracks with the behavior we have seen from Trump -- with his yells of "fake news" and "skewed polls" -- that he will claim that he won no matter what the actual election results say and try to rally his angry supporters to keep him in office. And it also goes with what we know about him that maybe he's secretly dabbled in black magic or fringe science so now he has the ability to increase his size and fire blasts of energy from his eyes. Is our court system prepared to deal with a president who won't leave office? And is our military prepared to deal with a president as tall as a building who is bulletproof and can fire lasers that can melt steel?

The solution is to panic and get really worked up right now. Everyone wants to deal with actual problems, but some of us need to focus on the much bigger problems that exist in our fevered imaginations. And I'm afraid to say that this imagined Trump is completely unstoppable. The only way to handle a Trump who won't leave office and can step on normal-sized men is to appease him. We need to stop this election now and not challenge Trump's reelection. It's the only way we'll survive.

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