AUTONOMOUS ZONE, WA—In response to news that Communist pansies have taken over several city blocks of downtown Seattle and filled them with whiny little girly-men, Trump announced today he will act decisively to establish a much more “manly and way cooler” CHAD zone right across the street.
“Only true chads will be allowed in the CHAD zone,” said Trump in a press conference. “CHAD will be so much more epic than CHAZ. It will really be fantastic. Everyone agrees. At least everyone who isn’t a loser-face dweeb. No soy boys will be allowed to enter the kingdom of CHAD.”
An army of square-jawed bros has already blocked off three blocks and begun building an impenetrable border wall to keep out the socialists. Free outdoor gyms, keto food trucks, and selfie stations have been set up all across the newly established zone for maximum epicness. Women will be allowed in the land of CHAD but only if they’re “like, really hot.”
According to sources, CHAD is already establishing a constitution and speech codes to govern conversation. All citizens of CHAD will be required to lift 5 times per day and refer to themselves in the 3rd person. They have also nominated their own president, whose name is Chad. President Trump has endorsed Chad for president of CHAD.
Delighted by the news of Trump’s endorsement, Chad responded by saying “Chad thanks Trump for his endorsement. Chad very happy.”
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