2020 Election Roundup: The Insane Democratic Primary
Politics · Oct 31, 2020 · BabylonBee.com

With Americans going to the polls to vote on the most important election in the entire history of the universe, we thought it might be helpful to review the campaigns of this year.

Remember this guy? For progressives, he was the dream candidate! 

Bernie Sanders Asks Nation To Please Stop Mailing Him Books On Economics


Bernie Vows To Rebuild Berlin Wall


Bernie Sanders Praises Slave Owners For Free Housing Program


Unfortunately for Bernie, the Democrat machine combined its powers to defeat him.

Dems Combine Into Giant Mech To Annihilate Bernie Sanders



Bernie Tests Negative For President


We also came close to nominating our first Native American woman to run for the democrats!

Tomahawk-Wielding Elizabeth Warren Vows To Take Land Back From The Pale Faces


She was persecuted for her Native American ancestry,

Elizabeth Warren Leaves Brutal 1-Star Review For Ancestry.com


...and her gender.

Elizabeth Warren Recalls How She Lost Her Teaching Job When Her Fake Mustache Fell Off Revealing She's A Woman


Eventually, it was down to these two to compete against Biden:

Warren, Sanders Settle Campaign Dispute By Playing Chicken On Mobility Scooters


She failed. 

Warren Returns To Tribe In Shame After Failing To Take Land Back From The Pale Faces


Bloomberg showed us what money can buy.

Bloomberg Purchases First Supporter For $1.7 Billion


Bloomberg Gives A Billion Dollars To Bernie Sanders Causing Him To Destroy Self


But no one liked him for some reason. 

Bloomberg Stops By Daytona 500 To Hand Out Speeding Tickets


The nation was heartbroken after he dropped out. 

Paid Mourners Weep As Bloomberg Exits Primary


The rest of the candidates dropped like flies. Remember Tulsi? 

'Joe Biden Is The Best Choice For Our Nation,' Chants Tulsi Gabbard After DNC Completes Assimilation Process


And this guy?

Hasbro Introduces New 'My Butti' Pete Buttigieg Doll


And we can't forget this valiant effort...

Cory Booker Moved To Tears During Participation Trophy Acceptance Speech


Not sure who this guy is...

El Paso Man Comes Down From Insane Acid Trip Where He Hallucinated That He Ran For President


Williamson was defeated by a powerful ray of negative cosmic energy:

Marianne Williamson Not Sure What She's Doing Up Here With All These Crazy People


Now it's down to Trump and Biden! Check back for our comprehensive review of the epic battle between the Trump and Biden campaign. 


There are 38 comments on this article.

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.