Politics
'Joe Biden Is The Best Choice For Our Nation,' Chants Tulsi Gabbard After DNC Completes Assimilation Process

WASHINGTON, D.C.—The DNC Collective has assimilated yet another species, the Borg King Joe Biden proudly announced Thursday morning.

Species 10027, Tulsi Gabbard, was successfully injected with nanoprobes and assimilated into the Borg's campaign, according to Biden's statement. Gabbard quickly lost all principles and independent thought and began tirelessly working to further the purposes of the mysterious Borg species, sources inside the Borg Cube indicated.

"We will add your biological and political distinctiveness to our own," the Borg King told Gabbard in a speech celebrating the acquisition of her body into the Borg Collective. "Your campaign will adapt to service us. Resistance is futile." The crowd of gathered Borg erupted in drone-like applause to indicate their approval of the new addition.

"Joe Biden is the best choice for our nation," she said dutifully as soon as the process was complete. "There are five lights. War is good. Biden is good."

Gabbard—or Species 10027, as she is now known—was spotted shortly afterward distributing campaign buttons for the Borg King, who sneered at his new prize, "Human. We used to be exactly like them. Flawed, weak, organic. But we evolved."

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