WASHINGTON, D.C. — Illinois Governor JB Pritzker reportedly joined the fray as a law enforcement officer in the nation's capital in hopes of getting a sandwich thrown at him.
Sources said the governor sprang into action today after hearing that a federal officer was assaulted by a man who threw a Subway sandwich at him during a confrontation, joining the D.C. POlice Department and requesting immediate duty.
"Oh man, I've got to get down there right away," Pritzker reportedly said after seeing the viral video of a man assaulting a Customs and Border Protection agent with a subway sandwich. "Baxter, hold all my calls. Tell them I'm on an extended lunch!"
Pritzker bravely volunteered to jump in front of any sandwiches hurled by protesters. "I support President Trump's mission and will eat as many sandwiches as it takes to see it accomplished," he said. "Whatever it takes."
President Trump welcomed Pritzker's support, calling him the bravest fat man he's ever seen. "I'm not a big fan of fat people, but Pritzker's changing my mind," Trump told reporters. "I used to think Santa was the only fat man who could get things done, but JB really loves sandwiches. We've found some common ground, and I think this experience will really feed his desire to make America great again."
According to sources, while Pritzker isn't a particularly big fan of Subway, he will take whatever he can get. "I love food," he said.
At publishing time, traffic had been diverted away from Dupont Circle when JB Pritzker suffered a heart attack and collapsed, blocking the four-lane roundabout with his body.
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