This is the Babylon Bee weekly news podcast for 5/29/2020.
In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk about the biggest stories of the week like how we now have an awesome worship song generator on the website now. Subscribers sent us their unsolicited recordings and they were so good we had to share. Kyle and Ethan bring in a guitar and try their hand at randomly generated worship songs. Also, Biden can now decide people's race and gender, Florida violates the laws of SCIENCE by not killing more of their citizens, and social media is cracking down on misleading avatars.
In the subscriber portion, subscribers get to listen to Kyle and Ethan go to the mailbag and answer some great questions from you, the subscribers.
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Frank Fleming has a new book Superego: Fathom. Buy it!
Kyle reached the end of YouTube and Ethan got locked in a park.
Stuff That’s Good
Kyle likes American Gospel: Christ Alone which is a sobering, layman’s-level look at the prosperity gospel and how it has spread through the American church and beyond. Now available on Netflix.
Ethan likes Parry Gripp if you want your small kids to get good songs stuck in your head instead of bad songs.
This News Is Weird
There is nothing more humiliating than carrying warm dog poop around
We finally get robots and this is what we do with them? Who wanted to replace dogs?
A dog’s dream or nightmare?
It’s called a polar bear duh
Stories of the Week
Summary: In a recent interview with a female reporter, Joe Biden suddenly lashed out, shouting, “Listen, if you don’t let me sniff your hair, you ain’t a woman!”
The real story: Speaking to Charlamagne tha God last Friday, Joe Biden said, “If you have a problem figuring out whether you’re for me or Trump, then you ain’t black.”
Biden is not alone among our political class in making wacky statements.
Also also mentioned: To Save Time, The Babylon Bee Will Now Just Republish Everything Biden Says Verbatim
Summary: Science says Florida should have seen skyrocketing deaths from COVID-19, but instead Florida has not seen anywhere near the number of problems faced by states like New York and New Jersey. Because of this a judge has ruled the state to be in violation of Science.
The real story: Governor Ron DeSantis was getting slammed in the media for a cautious, “lax” approach to the crisis, with people predicting a huge number of deaths in Florida. This disaster never happened. DeSantis focused his approach on the most vulnerable, like nursing homes, while other states like New York locked the elderly in with COVID-19 patients and restricted low-risk populations severely. People criticized him for opening beaches saying doom was sure to follow a few weeks later -- but this did not happen.
Florida: 2,200 deaths / 21,000,000 people
New York: 23,000 deaths / 19,500,000 people
How does Andrew Cuomo do such a bad job managing this thing and get away with it while Florida gets slammed while doing a great job?
The politicization of this virus is unfortunate. It doesn’t feel like other national crises we’ve faced where we all band together against the big, bad threat -- it feels like we’re hoping our political foes lose big time no matter the cost in human lives.
Summary: Facebook announced today the social network will now be displaying a fact-check notice atop avatars that are an inaccurate portrayal of the user.
The real story: Facebook recently launched customizable avatars similar to Bitmojis and Apple’s Memojis. They tend to look nothing like the people creating them, whether intentionally or not.
Ethan is offended that they do not have truly obese options
The avatars are very trans-friendly in that you can mix male/female body types, whatever you want.
Kyle feels his avatar is fairly accurate though they didn’t have his misaligned tooth or his quarantine neck beard.
What’s the deal with avatars anyway? I guess it’s fun to see what you’d look like as some kind of generic mass-produced cartoon.
Topic of the Week
The Babylon Bee unveiled a new feature: the Worship Song Generator. A few of you actually recorded your songs!
Kyle and Ethan generate songs on the spot!
“Ten Bazillion Reasons To Sing” by Jaycie and Charis Chambers
“Insane, Scandalous, Reckless, Unstoppable” by Lacey and Raina Cornelsen
“Thundering Heaven Deluge” by Jeremiah Webster
“Eternal Body Ember” by @Kevino.388 (Kevin Grant) and @flower.power.df (Daniel Flores)
What lyrics were pitched by the writers but didn't make it in?
It is short and sweet this week, but we don't think these people used their real names.
Mailbag: We pull back the curtain on what it’s like getting pseudo-famous on the internet in response to a question from Bee fan Calvin Haynes.
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