This is the Babylon Bee weekly news podcast for 5/29/2020.

Watch or listen to this episode on our podcast page, where subscribers can find full length episodes, or over on our YouTube channel. Subscribe using your favorite podcast platform here.

In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk about the biggest stories of the week like how we now have an awesome worship song generator on the website now. Subscribers sent us their unsolicited recordings and they were so good we had to share. Kyle and Ethan bring in a guitar and try their hand at randomly generated worship songs. Also, Biden can now decide people's race and gender, Florida violates the laws of SCIENCE by not killing more of their citizens, and social media is cracking down on misleading avatars.

In the subscriber portion, subscribers get to listen to Kyle and Ethan go to the mailbag and answer some great questions from you, the subscribers.

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Send your emails to [email protected] and maybe we will answer you in our next Mailbag segment!

Show Outline

Introduction

There's been an issue with the subscriber length podcast on downloader apps. If you are having trouble getting the full episode, try deleting the URL and re-adding it.

Frank Fleming has a new book Superego: Fathom. Buy it!

Kyle reached the end of YouTube and Ethan got locked in a park.

Stuff That's Good

Kyle likes American Gospel: Christ Alone which is a sobering, layman's-level look at the prosperity gospel and how it has spread through the American church and beyond. Now available on Netflix.

Ethan likes Parry Gripp if you want your small kids to get good songs stuck in your head instead of bad songs.

This News Is Weird

Woman refuses to go on family walks after they invent disgusting 'poop tag' game

•  There is nothing more humiliating than carrying warm dog poop around

Boy, 9, cries after mum surprises him with first McDonald's since lockdown 

'Hitler's Alligator' Dies In Moscow Zoo At The Age Of 84

Boy, 6, Cracks Open Robbery Case By Reeling In Sunken Safe From Lake

Robot dog herds sheep in New Zealand

• We finally get robots and this is what we do with them? Who wanted to replace dogs?

Kitten with two faces born in Oregon barn

• A dog's dream or nightmare?

Grizzly bear with white fur caught on camera in Canada 

• It's called a polar bear duh

Stories of the Week

Story 1

Biden: 'If You Don't Let Me Sniff Your Hair, You Ain't A Woman'

Summary: In a recent interview with a female reporter, Joe Biden suddenly lashed out, shouting, "Listen, if you don't let me sniff your hair, you ain't a woman!"

The real story: Speaking to Charlamagne tha God last Friday, Joe Biden said, "If you have a problem figuring out whether you're for me or Trump, then you ain't black."

Biden is not alone among our political class in making wacky statements. 

Also mentioned: Ancestry.com Revokes Genealogies Of African Americans Who Don't Support Biden

Also also mentioned: To Save Time, The Babylon Bee Will Now Just Republish Everything Biden Says Verbatim

Story 2

Florida Ruled To Be In Violation Of Science For Not Having More People Die

Summary: Science says Florida should have seen skyrocketing deaths from COVID-19, but instead Florida has not seen anywhere near the number of problems faced by states like New York and New Jersey. Because of this a judge has ruled the state to be in violation of Science.

The real story: Governor Ron DeSantis was getting slammed in the media for a cautious, "lax" approach to the crisis, with people predicting a huge number of deaths in Florida. This disaster never happened. DeSantis focused his approach on the most vulnerable, like nursing homes, while other states like New York locked the elderly in with COVID-19 patients and restricted low-risk populations severely. People criticized him for opening beaches saying doom was sure to follow a few weeks later -- but this did not happen.

Florida: 2,200 deaths / 21,000,000 people

New York: 23,000 deaths / 19,500,000 people

• How does Andrew Cuomo do such a bad job managing this thing and get away with it while Florida gets slammed while doing a great job?

• The politicization of this virus is unfortunate. It doesn't feel like other national crises we've faced where we all band together against the big, bad threat -- it feels like we're hoping our political foes lose big time no matter the cost in human lives.

Story 3

Facebook To Begin Fact-Checking Misleading Avatars

Summary: Facebook announced today the social network will now be displaying a fact-check notice atop avatars that are an inaccurate portrayal of the user.

The real story: Facebook recently launched customizable avatars similar to Bitmojis and Apple's Memojis. They tend to look nothing like the people creating them, whether intentionally or not.

• Ethan is offended that they do not have truly obese options

• The avatars are very trans-friendly in that you can mix male/female body types, whatever you want.

• Kyle feels his avatar is fairly accurate though they didn't have his misaligned tooth or his quarantine neck beard.

• What's the deal with avatars anyway? I guess it's fun to see what you'd look like as some kind of generic mass-produced cartoon.

Topic of the Week

The Babylon Bee unveiled a new feature: the Worship Song Generator. A few of you actually recorded your songs!

• Kyle and Ethan generate songs on the spot!

• Fan submissions:

  • "Ten Bazillion Reasons To Sing" by Jaycie and Charis Chambers

  • "Insane, Scandalous, Reckless, Unstoppable" by Lacey and Raina Cornelsen

  • "Thundering Heaven Deluge" by Jeremiah Webster

  • "Eternal Body Ember" by @Kevino.388 (Kevin Grant) and @flower.power.df (Daniel Flores)

• What lyrics were pitched by the writers but didn't make it in?

Hate Mail

It is short and sweet this week, but we don't think these people used their real names.

Paid-subscriber portion

Mailbag: We pull back the curtain on what it's like getting pseudo-famous on the internet in response to a question from Bee fan Calvin Haynes.

To watch or listen to the full length podcast, become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans