U.S. — New poll numbers released this week showed Lindsay Clancy surging into the frontrunner position in the race to become the 2028 Democratic presidential nominee.
Clancy garnered overwhelming support from Democratic women and continued to make gains among men who hate children and wish they were dead.
"Clancy 2028! Wooo!" shouted supporters outside the courthouse where Clancy was awaiting the verdict on her triple homicide case. "No one gets us better than Lindsay. Who better to fight for women's rights than a woman who stared down the system that wanted to punish her for murdering three children? She is like, so me! We love you, Lindsay!"
Democratic operatives warned that the issue of child murder could complicate Clancy's general election chances, but liberal voters have thus far brushed aside those concerns. "When I hear this sad story of a child being strangled to death, I think, 'Wow, that poor woman strangling her child. She's the victim here,'" explained longtime Democrat Stacy Marks. "Why on earth should someone not vote for Lindsay when she is the one who has been wronged here? That shouldn't keep a beautiful soul like her from serving as our next president."
At publishing time, Clancy's support among liberals had collapsed after revelations surfaced that she had also strangled a puppy.
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