BLOOMSBURG, PA — After years of struggling to purchase his wife the right gift for Christmas, one local man started listening in October for ideas. His attentiveness gave him the idea of buying his wife a new, rechargeable vacuum after hearing her complain about the faults of their old Kirby model.
"I took matters into my own hands this year – no more buying something from her Amazon list and still having it be wrong!" Dan Bert shared the innovation with several friends at their weekly poker night, sources confirm, and was met with universal applause for realizing his wife was using coded language to request a new vacuum.
The other husbands at the table applauded Dan for recognizing his wife's astute taste, applauding her for not wanting concert tickets, jewelry, gift cards, or any more stereotypically feminine gifts. They also applauded Dan for being able to interpret her mixed signals, honoring her true intent by ignoring her direct request that he not stray from the Amazon wish list that she had texted, emailed, and verbally shared with him.
At publishing time, Bert's more experienced father slapped him on the back and congratulated him on being weeks early in buying his wife the wrong Christmas present.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
