VALLEY OF ELAH — A group of theologians and biblical scholars recently concluded that there was reason to believe that David yelled "Kobe!" while hucking a stone at Goliath.
Archaeologists uncovered a pottery shard inscribed in Proto-Canaanite script dating to the 11th century BC, which they said could change how we look at the Bible's most famous duel. The fragment of ancient earthenware appears to depict a Semitic man shouting "Kobe!" at a giant figure, which scholars believe to be none other than Goliath of Gath.
Dr. Saul Ganor of the Israel Antiquities Authority (IAA) admitted to being skeptical of the find until he looked upon it with his own eyes.
"Look at how he's depicted, with a sling circling overhead, stone in mid-flight," Dr. Ganor explained. "And here is the word 'Kobe' in what may very well be the world's first graphically depicted speech bubble."
Scholars were reportedly at odds with the meaning of the word "Kobe," given that Kobe Bryant wouldn't exist for almost another 3,000 years. "The more secular members of our team insist that it must mean something else, but this is the boy who would later grow up to be King David," said IAA Director of Projects Dr. Eli Dorfman. "It's not beyond the realm of possibility that David had seen a vision of the Black Mamba in action and was inspired by his skills."
According to some of the theologians, David was a type of Kobe that was to come. "They both experienced a meteoric rise to stardom at a very young age," Dr. Mike Patterson, who surprisingly works as an NBA consultant for the IAA. "Kobe entered the NBA right out of high school, and, just like David before him, killed the fiercest soldier of the Philistine army."
At publishing time, the research group also revealed that the future king of Israel was now also believed to have shouted, "Kareem!" as he chopped off Goliath's head with the giant's own sword.
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