LANCASTER, PA — Local officials confirmed on Monday that a new data center had been constructed to handle the massive influx of online rants about data centers.
With servers overloaded by tens of thousands of people posting online diatribes about data centers, the state of Pennsylvania was left with no choice but to grant permission to build a four-acre data center dedicated exclusively to the task.
"With the new data center up and running, we now have the bandwidth to support people screeching about data centers," announced Governor Josh Shapiro. "We tried to hold off, but the entire server system was on the brink of collapse. Too many people were simultaneously posting cellphone videos pointing at empty fields shouting 'THIS is where they want to put a data center!' The tirades may now continue, thanks to this newly constructed data center."
Computer scientists estimated that roughly one-third of all data center processing is currently tasked with creating, circulating, and storing content about the dangers of data centers. "It's really the 'raison d'être' for data centers," explained computer engineer Varsheesh Patel. "Ironically, we probably wouldn't need a single new data center if people stopped lashing out at them. Ah, well. It's great job security for me."
At publishing time, Governor Shapiro's office had announced that the computing power provided by the new facility will allow the state government to collate citizens' concerns about data centers.
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