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Report: White People Completely Unaffected By Jalapeño Recall - Article image
Life · Aug 10, 2026 · 48
Report: White People Completely Unaffected By Jalapeño Recall

U.S. - A new report confirmed that white people remained totally unaffected after a massive recall was issued across the U.S. for contaminated jalapeñ...

Cute: 5-Year-Old White Girl Dreams Of One Day Getting Beaten Up In The WNBA - Article image
Sports · Aug 10, 2026 · 30
Cute: 5-Year-Old White Girl Dreams Of One Day Getting Beaten Up In The WNBA

TERRE HAUTE, IN - In a wholesome display of innocence, a five-year-old white girl reportedly told her parents how she dreamed of one day growing up to...

Unscriptural Hymn Unfortunately A Banger - Article image
Church · Aug 10, 2026 · 31
Unscriptural Hymn Unfortunately A Banger

IRVINE, CA - The elders of the United Reformed Church of Irvine made the devastating discovery Sunday that an unscriptural hymn, entirely inappropriat...
Inspired By AOC, James Talarico Also Elects To Have His Eggs Frozen
Inspired By AOC, James Talarico Also Elects To Have His Eggs Frozen
Inspired By AOC, James Talarico Also Elects To Have His Eggs Frozen - Featured article image
Politics · Aug 10, 2026 · 58

AUSTIN, TX - Senate candidate James Talarico announced on Monday morning that he would be following in the inspiring footsteps of Representative Alexa...

40-Year-Old Man Still Chasing High Of Seeing Cards Bounce Around Screen After Winning Solitaire - Article image
Life · Aug 10, 2026 · 54
40-Year-Old Man Still Chasing High Of Seeing Cards Bounce Around Screen After Winning Solitaire

PLAINVIEW, TX - Local 40-year-old man Ben Gantry admitted that he had spent the past three decades chasing the high he first felt while seeing the car...

Life · Aug 10, 2026 · 54
40-Year-Old Man Still Chasing High Of Seeing Cards Bounce Around Screen After Winning Solitaire

40-Year-Old Man Still Chasing High Of Seeing Cards Bounce Around Screen After Winning Solitaire - Featured article image
PLAINVIEW, TX - Local 40-year-old man Ben Gantry admitted that he had spent the past three decades chasing the high he first felt while seeing the car...
Unscriptural Hymn Unfortunately A Banger - Article image
Church · Aug 10, 2026 · 31
Unscriptural Hymn Unfortunately A Banger

IRVINE, CA - The elders of the United Reformed Church of Irvine made the devastating discovery Sunday that an unscriptural hymn, entirely inappropriat...

Subscriber Headlines

Rand Paul Tricks Fauci Into Testifying By Disguising Capital Building As ‘Jimmy Kimmel Live’

Jul 31, 2026 | DustyNederlander


Supervisor Calls For 4 Hour Meeting To Discuss Why Work Isn't Getting Done

Jul 30, 2026 | SLinky PD


Cain Avoids Answering God's Question About Where Abel Is By Pleading The Fifth

Jul 29, 2026 | The Bat Knight

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Jesus Ignites Fierce Debate By Feeding 5,000 People For Under $20 - Article image
Jesus Ignites Fierce Debate By Feeding 5,000 People For Under $20
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Mitch McConnell's Staff Says He Was Dropped Off At A Farm In The Country Where He'll Be Happier And Have More Room To Run Around - Article image
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Top 10 Reasons To Move To California - Article image
Life · Aug 8, 2026 · 142
Top 10 Reasons To Move To California

With the population of California diminishing of late, we at The Babylon Bee are here to help turn the tide. Here are just ten of the many great reaso...
Bigotry Rears Ugly Head As WNBA Refuses To Allow This Stunning, Beautiful Woman Into League - Article image
Sports · Aug 9, 2026 · 95
Bigotry Rears Ugly Head As WNBA Refuses To Allow This Stunning, Beautiful Woman Into League

U.S. - In a disgusting act of appalling bigotry, the WNBA is refusing to allow a stunning, beautiful woman into the league on the grounds that she is ...
Teenage Cashier Desperately Hoping Middle-Aged Man Will Start Up Small Talk With Her - Article image
Life · Aug 8, 2026 · 105
Teenage Cashier Desperately Hoping Middle-Aged Man Will Start Up Small Talk With Her

ROANOKE, VA - Upon seeing a middle-aged man join her line, local 16-year-old grocery cashier Mandy Banks began desperately hoping that he would try to...
Scientists Hard At Work Making IPhone Weather App Even Less Accurate - Article image
Tech · Aug 10, 2026 · 42
Scientists Hard At Work Making IPhone Weather App Even Less Accurate

U.S. - The general public breathed a sigh of relief on Monday after it was revealed that a team of top scientists was hard at work trying to come up w...

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Man Unsure Whether Wife's Vanilla Honey Goat Butter Spread Is For Toast Or Face - Article image
Life · Aug 7, 2026 · 62
Man Unsure Whether Wife's Vanilla Honey Goat Butter Spread Is For Toast Or Face

DALLAS, TX - Local husband Mark Higgins stood frozen in his kitchen Thursday morning, staring blankly at a glass jar labeled "Vanilla Honey Goat Butte...
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Economy · Aug 6, 2026 · 103
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Burritos are really, really expensive these days, apparently. But fear not - there are still ways to get them without having to shell out $20 a pop. Y...
Study Reveals 90% Of Data Centers Just Storing Your Wife’s Pictures Of The Kids - Article image
Family · May 19, 2026 · 59
Study Reveals 90% Of Data Centers Just Storing Your Wife’s Pictures Of The Kids

OVERLAND PARK, KS - The need for the construction of massive data storage centers has been in the news again recently, with the results of a new study...
Trump Meets With Zelenskyy To Ask For U.S. Missiles - Article image
World · Aug 7, 2026 · 65
Trump Meets With Zelenskyy To Ask For U.S. Missiles

KYIV - President Donald Trump scheduled an emergency trip to Ukraine to ask President Zelenskyy for American missiles.

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Man Holds Off On Reading Bible So As Not To Ruin Suspense Of 'Passion Of The Christ' Sequel - Article image
Christian Living · Mar 29, 2025 · 98
Man Holds Off On Reading Bible So As Not To Ruin Suspense Of 'Passion Of The Christ' Sequel

RUIDOSO, NM - Local man Pete Blanton has decided to refrain from reading the Bible so as not to dampen the excitement of watching the Passion of the C...
U.S. Tanks In Ukraine Already Destroyed After Being Easily Recognized By Their Rainbow Camouflage - Article image
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America Celebrates Juneteenth, The Day Republicans Freed All The Democrats' Slaves - Article image
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How Was Church? June 15, 2026 Edition - Article image
Premium · Jun 15, 2026 · 72
How Was Church? June 15, 2026 Edition

Sunday is the best day of the week. The coffee tastes a little bit better when enjoyed with the people of the Lord. How was church for you yesterday? ...
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Farewell, Thomas Massie! Here Are 7 Of The Bee's Most Memorable Articles About Tom - Article image
Premium · May 19, 2026 · 96
Farewell, Thomas Massie! Here Are 7 Of The Bee's Most Memorable Articles About Tom

As you may have heard, Thomas Massie has officially been defeated in Kentucky's GOP primary, heralding the end of his Congressional tenure. Massie has...
Rejected Babylon Bee Photoshop #3492 - Article image
Premium · May 18, 2026 · 33
Rejected Babylon Bee Photoshop #3492

Our crack team of certified fake news specialists work tirelessly every day to bring you fake news you can trust. We've shared before about how our te...

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Report: Internet Users Who Call For Attacking Other Countries Will Now Be Enlisted In The Military Automatically - Article image
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After 12 Years Of Quarterly Church Attendance, Parents Shocked By Daughter's Lack Of Faith - Article image
After 12 Years Of Quarterly Church Attendance, Parents Shocked By Daughter's Lack Of Faith
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