Pelosi Preemptively Announces Articles Of Impeachment Against Candace Owens
Politics

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Only days after delivering Trump's articles of impeachment to the Senate, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi announced they are already working on a brand-new impeachment for rising right-wing menace and future GOP presidential candidate Candace Owens.

"This woman is dangerous, extremely dangerous," said Pelosi to reporters. "She's an outspoken African-American woman who doesn't think the way African-Americans are supposed to think. We must impeach her immediately to prevent her from running and save our democracy! Good morning! Wednesday morning!"

"This is, like, such a sad day for our country," said Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. "All this time, most of us didn't even think Candace Owens was a real person, but rather a haunting specter from our most terrifying nightmares. It's terrible to think that a woman who repeatedly tried to have me killed would be allowed to run for president."

According to historians, if Candace Owens is successfully elected, she will be America's first black president-- at least, as far as they can remember.


Babylon Bee subscriber Martin Fisher contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here!
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