WASHINGTON, D.C. - The House of Representatives passed a resolution Friday to establish a June 9th Committee to investigate the poor ratings performance of the January 6th Committee.
Democratic leadership is reportedly thrilled to get back to work for the American people by finding out why the American people don't care what they have to say.
"This is the work that really matters," said President Joe Biden. "I for one would like to find out what TVs are and how people get inside them. No, I'm serious."
According to sources, Rep Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has gracefully accepted the role of committee chairwoman and is eager to begin investigating why no one cares about congressional grandstanding.
"Bennie Thomas ruled his committee with fear, I intend to rule with respect," she said to laughter.
Rep Adam Schiff, who has a seat on the Jan 6th committee, has also joined this new committee. "It's not a conflict of interest because I have the memory of a goldfish," he said. "I make hyperbolic statements about everything equally. No favoritism here!"
Schiff went on to condemn the low ratings of the Jan 6th committee as the final nail in the coffin of democracy. He then tried quoting Star Wars but ended up alienating half the fanbase.
"So this is how democracy dies, with thunderous MAGA hats," he said to groans.
As her first official act as chairwoman, AOC has issued subpoenas for members of the Nielsen family to find out why they allowed everyone to not watch the January 6th Hearings.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
