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Detailed And Decisive War Strategy Laid Out By Man With Three Fox News Articles Under Belt

DANBERG, MI—As tensions rise on multiple international fronts, the United States constantly faces the potential for more military action. While many have opinions on war, most would admit that it is hard to really decide what action should be taken if they do not have all of the facts provided to soldiers and high-ranking officials on the ground and those in a position to receive top secret information pertinent to such costly decisions. But Jim Gibbons is not most people.

"Listen, you got North Korea. Garbage. Come in at night, take out Kim-boy and his ilk. Snipers, SEALS, you name it. Bam. Done. Install a quick democratic government and explain to the people there that Kim and his chubby pals were a buncha smoke and mirrors hooey. Wake up. North Korea problem solved. I could do this all day. " Gibbons said after reading of Trump's recent interactions with North Korea's Kim Jong Un on his iPad while eating biscuits and gravy prepared by his fourth wife, Pam.

"Then you got Iran not holding up their end of the bargain on this nuclear deal garbage. In other news, the sky is blue. It's time to settle this thing with Iran once and for all. Show'em America's got the big guns," he said as he finished looking over another FOX News article about Tehran exceeding its uranium stockpile limit. He took a sip of black coffee and continued, "You let them take an inch, they take a mile. Not on my watch."

Gibbons went on to skim a few more FOX News articles and quickly devised a global strategy for the nation's military that largely involved America bombing countries who stepped out of line. Unfortunately, he nodded off in his recliner before the entire strategy could be laid out, leaving America wondering what might have been.

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