HOLLYWOOD — Actors are back to work Thursday following the end of a historic 188-day strike that prevented them from participating in film, television, and chasing helpless starlets around casting couches. Workers who participated in the strike, as well as in antisemitic pro-Hamas demonstrations, have begun cozying up to the Jews once again in hopes of finding work.
"I hereby disavow everything I've said online for the past four weeks," Hollywood actor Mark Ruffalo posted on X (formerly Twitter). "Israel is not a genocidal monster like I suggested. I have reflected and want to apologize for my hurtful actions. I didn't even know what 'from the river to the sea' meant. Please, someone give me a job."
Mark Ruffalo has since deleted the comment.
"Okay, so maybe posting about solidarity for Palestine when they've been murdering civilians on purpose was a bad idea," Emma Watson told a random paparazzo. "I need acting work. Is anyone hiring? I'll even play Hermione again."
Actors such as Susan Sarandon, Selena Gomez, John Cusack, and Jamie Lee Curtis were all seen taking great strides to make amends with Jewish Americans again today.
The Jewish overlords allegedly in control of Hollywood could not be reached for comment at this time because they do not exist.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
