JERUSALEM — Archaeologists excavating a site near the Temple Mount have unearthed a startling new piece of evidence that further proves the historical authenticity of the New Testament: the Apostle Paul's completed Awana vest.

"This is an earth-shattering discovery, sure to be a token of faith for believers all around the world," said Levi Cohen, who oversaw the dig. "When we saw the words 'Paul the Apostle' clearly inscribed in permanent marker on the laundry neck tag, our hearts stopped."

Sources confirmed that Paul had achieved the Sparks rank of "Skipper" and "Hiker," as well as the advanced rank of "Climber." In addition, he had three fully completed crown pins — a testament to his aptitude for memorizing scripture. "It should come as no surprise that Paul excelled in theological studies and verse memorization in the Awana program, especially considering he wrote most of the theology and verses himself," said Cohen. "Come to think of it, that's kind of an unfair advantage."

Authorities believe that in addition to the Sparks vest, there is likely also a Pals, Chums, Pioneers, and Guards vest somewhere on the site, all fully decked out in pins patches, and buttons. "We would expect nothing less," said Cohen. "What a boss."

At publishing time, workers on the site had also confirmed the discovery of Judas's collection of Rob Bell Nooma DVDs.

Want proof that Jesus was a woke socialist? Look no further than these classic quotes straight from the Bible.