PINE BLUFF, AR - The Russian invasion of Ukraine, China's growing military threat, and Ketanji Brown Jackson's inability to tell men from women have contributed to growing fear that World War III may be on the horizon. In response to this increased unease, liberals have begun to cozy up to their crazy, gun-toting MAGA neighbors - just in case they need some protection when everything "hits the fan."
Gavin Gallgull and his wife Allysseeah are one such example of long-time liberals and Biden voters who are anxious to make friends with their Trump-loving neighbors, the Wessons.
"Greetings, fellow patriot," said Gallgull, wearing a newly-purchased "Blue Lives Matter" shirt as Allysseeah handed a 100% vegan-free casserole to Mr. and Mrs. Wesson. "We just wanted to get to know our neighbors a little bit better for no reason other than - ooh, is that an AR-15? I love AR-15s."
After being informed by Mr. Wesson that he was holding a grill fork and not an AR-15, the Gallgulls invited themselves in and continued pointing at household objects, asking if they were AR-15s.
Realizing the Gallgulls had no intention of leaving anytime soon, the Wessons reportedly showed the patience of any good Christian and invited them to stick around for the family barbecue.
"Sure, we just love eating meat that comes from animals. Is the grill in your fallout shelter?" asked Mrs. Gallgull, looking around earnestly, "We'd love to see your fallout shelter. And your bug-out truck."
Witnesses confirm that Mr. Wesson rolled his eyes, showed them the fully-stocked bug-out truck, then led their new friends into the fallout shelter to grill up some fresh-caught boar.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
