AFGHANISTAN - Americans still stranded in Afghanistan were relieved to learn the White House has finally dispatched troops into the country in a daring mission, with a plane airdropping them behind enemy lines in the dead of night.

They were less relieved, however, to learn that the only reason the special forces were there is to see if any of them wanted to change their passport gender from male or female to the new non-binary "X" option.

"We're with the United States military!" one Marine shouted as he busted into a house where Americans were hiding out.

"Oh, thank goodness. Are you here to rescue us?" asked a frightened woman.

"That's a negative, ma'am! Err -- genderless person -- I don't want to assume, sorry. We're here to see if any of y'all want to change your passport to the new 'X' option. It's genderless, so neither male nor female. Gender's a spectrum, you know. We learned that in basic training."

The Americans asked if the new passports would allow them to return to America and finally escape after Biden abandoned them.

"What? Oh, no. But you'll have that cool 'X' you can show people."

Want proof that Jesus was a woke socialist? Look no further than these classic quotes straight from the Bible.