'We're Not Doing Anything Bad To Your Kids And You Can't Come In And Check,' Says Public School Teacher
U.S. · Oct 28, 2021 · BabylonBee.com

LOUDOUN COUNTY, VA - In an attempt to calm angry parents, 3rd-grade teacher Patricia Merfle of Loudoun County Schools assured everyone that nothing bad is happening to their kids, but no one is allowed to come in and check.

"Yeah you can't come in right now," said Merfle, pointing to a "Do Not Enter" sign on the door. "We're busy learning important stuff about gender, but not bad stuff you would disagree with! Anyway, we need privacy, maybe you can come another time!"

Several angry parents wielding torches and pitchforks began to grow angry and demanded to see their kids. 

"You have nothing to worry about!" said Merfle. "We're not teaching them that gender is on a spectrum or that promiscuity is really fun, or that America was built by white supremacists specifically to oppress black people and the only way to achieve justice is to dismantle the whole system or anything! But don't come in and look! It's a bad time right now."

The school superintendent also assured parents everything was fine. "Yeah, we're teaching them things like reading, history... um, what was the other one? Oh yeah - math. All that stuff. Definitely no extreme Leftist indoctrination here, no siree!"

When asked by parents if they could come in and check, he ran inside and called the FBI.


BIG NEWS: We made a movie, and you can watch the trailer NOW:

Click here to find out how you can watch the movie when it releases on October 11

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now