Texas Senatorial candidate James Talarico has been named The Babylon Bee's Straight Man of the Year.
Look out, ladies!
James Talarico, the Democratic Senate candidate from Texas, has long been known for being straight. Everybody who has ever met Talarico comes away saying, "Wow, that guy sure is heterosexual."
Truly, no man in the history of the world has so fully embodied what it means to be straight as James Talarico. From the very straight way he eats Texas BBQ to his high-end cowboy boots, he just oozes heterosexuality. Sure, he's focused on LGBT rights and can name his favorite drag queen at the drop of a hat, but that's just because he's confident in his own straightness. He's a real man and he doesn't care who knows it.
Talarico likes women so much, he is actually straighter than an arrow. He radiates a visible aura of heterosexuality that you simply can't miss.
Some men want to be James Bond. Others want to be Bruce Wayne. But all men want to be James Talarico.
Congratulations, James!
Tucker Carlson is just asking questions about World War 2. Why was it even fought? Was Hitler really such a bad guy? And why did Churchill never denounce the trans agenda?
