EMERGENCY ALERT:
A terrible poison has been discovered in Reese's Pumpkins, and all of them should immediately be given to Dad for safekeeping.
Sadly, it appears that the poison has contaminated every single bag of Reese's Pumpkins produced in the United States. Consuming even one bite of these pumpkins will lead to a horrific, painful death. To protect yourself and your loved ones, every bag of Reese's Pumpkins should remain unopened and be handed over to Dad.
Once collected, the Reese's Pumpkins will be taken to a secure location where dads will personally oversee their destruction. If you hear wrappers crinkling or what sounds like chewing, do not enter the room. Dad is bravely doing what he must to protect his family.
Scientists report that the full-size Reese's Pumpkins are especially dangerous and should not even be handled by anyone except Dad. Still, keep in mind that the Mini Pumpkins are also very poisonous and unsafe.
Keep yourself and your children safe this Halloween, and remember to thank all of the heroic dads across the nation for the sacrifices they are making to keep their families safe. These are frightening times.
Tucker Carlson is just asking questions about World War 2. Why was it even fought? Was Hitler really such a bad guy? And why did Churchill never denounce the trans agenda?
