PARIS — Fiery riots across the country ended suddenly on Saturday when participants refused to protest more than 32 hours in a given week.
"This is ridiculous. We're not rioting one minute past 32 hours, you hear?" said local man Martin Roux to protest organizers. "We deserve to have our demands met regardless of how long we riot for."
Rioters were reportedly eager to lay down their bricks and Molotov cocktails and pull up a chair outside one of the many burned-out cafés to recharge from all their hard work. "Protesting is really hard, especially when you're looting and setting cars on fire," said Marie-Claire Dubois. "You've got to take time for yourself, too. A healthy riot-life balance is essential."
Dubois said she had recently disabled notifications from the riot's group chat after an organizer sent her a message at 6:15 p.m. asking if she could help overturn one last car.
"I have a family," she said. "Someone else can turn it the rest of the way over."
Organizers attempted to keep the unrest going by describing the final round of vandalism as an "optional team-building exercise," but demonstrators condemned the proposal as precisely the sort of exploitative management practice they had come to burn the country down over.
President Emmanuel Macron thanked the rioters for being reasonable. "You people are what make France so great," he said in a statement while reportedly at a Duran Duran concert. "Let's all enjoy some wine and get back to burning each other alive next week, shall we?"
At publishing time, the protesters had planned a new riot to protest the long protesting hours.
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