WASHINGTON, D.C. - The FBI is reporting they've discovered no incriminating material, pornography, or any other illicit materials on Hunter Biden's laptop. All they could find was a 400-gigabyte folder named "HOMEWORK."
"Yep, nothing bad on here," said one agent as he clicked around on the laptop. "It's squeaky clean -- the only thing he had on here was tons and tons of homework. Seems like he was a really studious individual."
"Oh, Hunter? I didn't even know he was taking classes," said Joe Biden. "Good for him. That kid always had a good head on his shoulders. You know what they say, the apple that doesn't fall far from the, you know, the thing, that apple gets all the worms."
"Our hands are tied here," said the FBI agent, shrugging. "We have nothing on him. He was just an upstanding individual that did a lot -- and I mean a lot -- of homework."
At publishing time, FBI agents had discovere another folder labeled "NOTHING TO SEE HERE PLEASE DO NOT OPEN THANK YOU."