TOKYO—By popular demand, Subaru has introduced a new feature in all its 2021 models: a camera embedded in the dashboard that automatically records you freaking out about Trump and uploads the video to TikTok.
"This is much safer, since TikTokkers won't have to hold their smartphone to record themselves screaming about Trump any longer," said Subaru's CEO, Tomomi Nakamura. "Now, they can just scream about the bad orange man all day, and we'll take care of the TikTokking."
As soon as the feature rolled out, TikTok crashed from the volume of videos being uploaded to the site.
"This is just a great feature for me," said Portland-area woman Graxon Barstigamule. "Check this out." She fired up her Subaru and started screaming, "WAKE UP AMERICA! WAAAAAAKE UUUUUUUP!!!!! ORANGE!!!!! MAN!!!!!! BAD!!!!!!!!!"
"Video recorded," an automated voice in the car responded. "Uploading to TikTok now. Have a miserable day!"
The car company's slogan is also being updated to "Hate is now bigger than ever."
Chevrolet has responded with a feature that detects when someone is trying to access TikTok while driving and just automatically drives them off a cliff.