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With the country facing an astronomical deficit unlike anything previous generations could have imagined, President Donald Trump has reportedly made it a priority to take the situation more seriously and begin the hard work of getting the country out of the hole.
The Babylon Bee has obtained the following list of simple ways Trump plans to get the U.S. out of debt:
Cancel all the streaming subscriptions the country just never uses: When's the last time anyone watched anything on Hulu anyway?
Executive order limiting every American to only eating out once a week: It's supposed to be a treat, not a regular thing.
Only buy military equipment on Coupon Day: You can save a lot with promo code "RAYTHEON25."
Recycling his daily 50 empty Diet Coke cans: It may not seem like much now, but it adds up.
Sending Barron door to door across the country selling fundraiser candy bars: It's hard for anyone to say no to someone who is 7'4".
Convince Melania to start running one of those essential oil pyramid schemes out of the White House: Those ladies make a fortune.
Take Canada's lunch money every day: If the prime minister says no, he gets a swirly and stuffed into a locker.
Commandeer all the taco trucks operated by illegal aliens: This will be very profitable. And delicious.
Sell off the bags of Hunter Biden's cocaine that the staff keeps finding stashed away in the West Wing: They're all over the place.
Find the Infinity Stones and use them to snap half of the national debt out of existence: It could finally help the budget be perfectly balanced, as all things should be.
By implementing that list of simple hacks, the U.S. will be out of the red in no time. Have other suggestions for ways the U.S. can get out of debt? Post them in the comments.
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The Washington Commanders aren't the only sports team in Trump's crosshairs.
