AUSTIN, TX — The state of Texas announced an update to its famous "Lone Star" flag, adding five more stars in order to represent all six genders.
Newly elected Senator James Talarico led the campaign to make the change, stating that the flag "should represent all Texans, whether male, female, or cloud-fairy."
"Goodbye, Lone Star. Hello, inclusion," said Talarico, unveiling the new flag design. "It's a proud day for Texas to finally retire an old symbol of bigotry and raise up the flag of gender fluidity. As I said on the campaign, there is nothing that Jesus wants more than for us to bring unto him our transgender kids. This is the first step in making that a reality here in the great state of Texas."
The current flag, in use since 1839 when Texas was an independent republic, will be banned from use upon the swearing-in of Democratic governor Gina Hinojosa in January. "The old flag represents hate speech and the literal murder of other genders," explained Hinojosa. "The one star was only for the male gender, the evil ones who made Texas so terrible. There wasn't even a second star for females, because all of them died when they couldn't have abortions. Anyone caught flying the old flag will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law."
At publishing time, Democrats had announced another flag update with 72 more stars for all the other genders they forgot about.
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