CANAAN — Tensions heightened in one prominent local family this week, as witnesses reported that Joseph's brothers had grown increasingly jealous of his vintage Charlotte Hornets Starter jacket.
While the sons of Jacob had long been resentful of the special treatment their younger brother received from their father, reports from those close to the family confirmed that the problem became significantly larger after the patriarch gifted Joseph with a sweet purple and teal Charlotte Hornets pullover.
"Father never gave any of us something so dope," said Simeon. "Look at him now, parading around the village in his Starter jacket like he runs the place. But who are we kidding? In that jacket, he does run the place. I wish I could have a sweet jacket like that, but father doesn't love me as much, obviously. It just makes me hate Joseph that much more."
Though Joseph was said to seem oblivious to his brothers' negative feelings toward him, he could tell that the jacket made him feel special. "He loves being father's favorite," said Judah. "The next thing you know, father will give him a classic Charles Barkley 76ers jersey. That would be the last straw, and we'd have no choice but to either kill him or just throw him into a pit somewhere. Man, that's a fresh coat."
One of the family's servants later confirmed that the situation was made worse after Joseph told his brothers of a dream he had in which they bowed down to him after their father gifted him a pair of vintage Air Jordans.
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