WASHINGTON, D.C. — Democrats announced on Monday that they now have a clear mandate from voters to do all the crazy stuff they never mentioned in their campaigns.
The overwhelming support received in last week's midterm elections reportedly gave Democrats the confidence they needed to pursue their most extreme policies such as gun confiscation, packing the Supreme Court, and banning the Electoral College. But they want to do some crazy stuff, too.
"Hope you guys are ready for mandatory Furry Fridays," said Congressman Hakeem Jeffries, proudly displaying his dog costume.
According to sources, senior Democratic officials were now actively pushing for mandatory race reassignment surgery for whites, replacing the American Flag with the Pride Flag, and a full-scale military invasion of Easter Island ahead of it being named a state.
Democratic strategist James Carville said, "We have to act fast before voters wise up! First, kill the filibuster, then outlaw genders, and finally redistribute everyone's wealth to only the most marginalized."
Republicans were said to be in panic mode after learning what their Capitol Hill colleagues were up to. "They're not even hiding it anymore," said House Speaker Mike Johnson. "I thought they were already pretty brazen with their anti-American rhetoric, but this is insane. I am not dressing as a furry on Fridays, no matter how much Hakeem begs."
At publishing time, a new Gallup poll showed that voters already regretted punishing Republican inaction by enabling Democrat action.
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