WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Trump has responded to recent charges that he is a racist, now producing a document that he believes for a fact proves he is not a racist: a rejection letter from the Ku Klux Klan.
“It says right here: 'Not Ku Klux Klan material,'" Trump told the press, showing off the letter. “I don’t see how anything could prove my character more than that.” Trump then stated that if he were a real racist, the KKK would have said, “Come on over. Wear this hood. Burn these crosses with us," but instead the opposite happened.
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi says she’ll have to reevaluate her stance on Trump given the new evidence. “I thought Trump was as racist as he could be, but that’s obviously not true if the Klan doesn’t want him.”
Other Democrats were not as impressed, such as freshman Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who stated, “Maybe it wasn’t that he wasn’t racist enough, but he just failed their fitness exam or something.”
Trump was undeterred from such criticism. “Least racist president ever,” he announced in a ceremony during which he hung the framed KKK rejection letter in the Oval Office. He hopes to have further evidence of his love for all races soon, as his application to a local chapter of Neo-Nazis is still pending.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.