MILWAUKEE, WI — Drunken partiers stumbling down the streets of downtown Milwaukee were reportedly surprised to learn the Brewers had won the World Series.
According to sources, the city's drunken residents were out getting drunk at their favorite dives, just like they do every night, when news of the Brewers' World Series victory came through, leaving fans confused about how to celebrate given they were already quite inebriated.
"Oh man, we got to get drunk!" said Elton Haywood, who was apparently too drunk to realize he was already drunk. "We're going to the Super Bowl!"
Several residents reportedly shrugged their shoulders and had another beer, unsure of what else there was to do in response to the historic news. Others were barely aware of what was going on around them, and would surely be excited to learn about how the Brewers' victory during their morning hangover.
"The Brewers! The Brewers! Yeeeaaaaaaah!" said one man, seemingly oblivious to the fact the baseball season had come to an end. "I really hope they make it this year."
Sports reporters on the ground reported that the residents did make a valiant attempt to get even more drunk. "Well, Tom, it appears everyone is roaming the streets in a drunken stupor in search of cheese curds, just like they do every night," ESPN correspondent Victoria Sails said during a live broadcast. "There's a lot of slurred words and mixed emotions out here. They're giving it everything they've got."
At publishing time, Tampa Bay had been surprised to learn its city even had a professional baseball team.
Tucker Carlson is just asking questions about World War 2. Why was it even fought? Was Hitler really such a bad guy? And why did Churchill never denounce the trans agenda?
