TOLEDO, WA - During their Sunday morning service, Toledo Gospel Church announced to their 100-member congregation that their Singles Fellowship group would be merging with their Seniors Fellowship. The decision came after church leaders realized the average age in the singles group had reached 58 years.

While most of the modest-sized congregation seemed receptive to the news, at least one man objects. At 54, Gary Buchanan is the youngest member of the former Singles Fellowship, and argues that lumping him in with the older people is a big mistake. Having been a member of the group since his twenties, Buchanan feels certain that the odds are getting better and better that he'll find true love "any day now." However, he would have preferred to graduate from the Singles Fellowship as a married man, rather than an old man.

"This is really going to hurt my chances with anyone from the College & Career group!" Buchanan remarked.

"Most of the existing seniors are widowed now," explained Pastor Larry Henderson, "so a lot of them were 'double-dipping' in the singles group, anyway." 

"To be honest, we also really just needed to replenish the Seniors Fellowship," he added. "We were starting to run out of them pretty quickly!"