MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Target executives announced this week the most intersectional Santa decoration ever, a limbless and not-so-jolly blob of an elf.
"We are proud to unveil the first-ever Chinese, Muslim, transgender, quadruple amputee Santa doll," Target executive Nancy Jones commented to reporters. "When you look at this totally immobile Chinese elf trying to bow to Allah, well - we think you'll see the true meaning of Christmas."
The new, incredibly inclusive Santa decoration has already hit store shelves to much fanfare. "I never in a million years thought I'd see a Santa doll that so accurately represented who I am," said Muhamed Wong, the sole member of the trans Muslim Chinese quadruple amputee community. "I salute Target for finally making a holiday doll that includes people like me. Well, I mean I would salute Target, but I don't have any arms. Allah willing, I'm going to roll myself home with my new Santa doll and proudly display it to my friends coming over for Kung Pao chicken."
Target says they hope the release of this new Santa doll will further their agenda of inclusion, diversity, and lower stock prices.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
