SAN FRANCISCO, CA — The most honorable and benevolent Supreme Leader of the glorious Chinese Empire arrived in San Francisco this week to inspect his newest colony in The Americas.
Local magistrates were on site to receive the Chinese President.
"Hmmm yes, everything seems to be in order," said the Most Divine President Xi as he drove past a row of peasants waving the beautiful flag of the Chinese Communist Party. "My faithful Steward Newsom seems to be keeping my western kingdom clean and orderly. There is not one vagabond or pile of dookie as far as the eye can see!"
Xi also praised Newsom's ability to keep the local denizens in line through draconian government overreach, excessive taxes, and crippling regulations. "A good steward must rule with the sharp teeth of a tiger and the forked tongue of a dragon," he said. "I am most pleased."
Newsom then showed the Supreme Eastern Potentate the fertile land beyond California's borders, where the Empire of China would have plenty of room to expand.
At publishing time, Xi's opinion had changed after he saw the condition of Interstate 10.
BIG NEWS: We made a movie, and you can watch the trailer NOW: