WASHINGTON, D.C. — In remarks delivered from the Oval Office on Tuesday, President Donald Trump announced that he had officially classified liberal women as a terrorist organization.
At the president's direction, the State Department had designated the notorious hate group as domestic terrorists under federal statute 18 U.S.C. § 2331(5) because of the group's involvement in acts dangerous to human life that are intended to intimidate or coerce the civilian population by posting about it on Instagram.
"They're nasty, dangerous people, these women," Trump said. "And not just any women, they're liberal. The worst kind of women, if you can believe it. Absolutely terrible. I've never seen such bad people."
In his statement, Trump referenced the ongoing trial of Lindsay Clancy, who murdered her three children. "They support this woman and bully anyone who doesn't agree with them. That's textbook terrorism," Trump said. "And I will not stand for it. So we're going to bomb them all. We're going to bomb them more than we've ever bombed Iran, and let me tell you, we bombed Iran a lot. There isn't even an Iran anymore, to tell you the truth. They say there is, but there isn't. It's gone. And these liberal women are going to be gone too."
Democratic lawmakers publicly rebuked the president's statements, arguing that liberal women make up the foundation of their entire party. "Trump is attacking a whole group of people who kill their own children," said Senator Chuck Schumer. "I can't think of anything more hateful. He's the real terrorist."
At publishing time, President Trump had dispatched a naval aircraft carrier to Plymouth, Massachusetts, to prepare for military action against a terrorist cell of liberal women gathered outside a courthouse.
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