ETERNITY — According to heavenly sources, the newly deceased who enter into the Lord's rest are shown a blooper reel that spans their entire lives for everyone to laugh at.
Hot off the heels of judgment, newcomers in Heaven must also sit through a lengthy blooper reel that highlights every moment in their life when they bonked their head or slipped on a banana peel.
"Haha! Look at that dunce stub his toe!" Raphael, an angel, said as he watched the bloopers of one James Henderson. "Oh, look! He fell off a cliff! Haha! What a buffoon!"
A spokesangel confirmed that the blooper reels are not meant to be discouraging. "Heaven is a place of eternal rest, so legally this is supposed to be all in good fun," the angel Gabriel explained. "But let's face it. These new guys need a little razzing."
Sources confirmed that former President Abraham Lincoln in particular was a big fan of blooper reels and attends nearly every viewing. "Bahaha! Did you see that man get kicked by that monkey? Ho ho!" he was famously heard saying upon the death of Franklin D. LeCourt of Philadelphia in 1962.
At publishing time, the Apostle John had asked angels to stop sabotaging people on earth just to get good bloopers out of them.
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