WASHINGTON, D.C.—Following the botched Afghanistan exit led by the Biden Administration, Vice President Kamala Harris has not been seen or heard from by the public. In an effort to entice the Vice President back to the White House, quick-thinking staffers have told Kamala that there’s a bunch of kids smoking weed on the lawn.
“Madam Vice President, come quick it looks like there’s a group of nonviolent offenders smoking marijuana on the White House lawn!” said staffer Eric Grubbens.
“WHAT?! Those criminals could get let off without jail time. Well, not on my watch!” said Kamala Harris hastily grabbing her gun and handcuffs. “I’ll stop them. Even if I’m the only cop in D.C. who's still willing to do what needs to be done.”
Kamala arrived at the White House and immediately tackled the nearest doobie smoking lawbreaker she could smell. Unfortunately, it was just Chuck Schumer at the podium preparing to announce the VP will be speaking soon. “Oh! My back! You’ve broken my back Kamala! Hurry call an ambulance!” shouted Schumer.
“Wait. HahahaHA you want me to haha help? You need an ambulance HAHAHAHAHAH?!" replied Kamala, barely able to breathe through her laughter. At that moment Kamala realized that they were recording live, and reporters started asking her about Americans in Afghanistan. She responded by giving a prepared message: "HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
The next time she disappears, staffers are planning on telling her there are some parents with truant students hanging around the White House.