KABUL - A small army of heroes has arisen in the aftermath of the Biden administration's chaotic pullout from Afghanistan, with many volunteers flying daring missions into Kabul to pick up stranded foreigners along with Afghans trying to escape the country.
None perhaps were as heroic as Joel Osteen, who personally volunteered to fly in a luxury charter jet out to Kabul. But while other pilots intended to pick up refugees to help them escape the violence of the Taliban, Osteen instead flew by in his jet with a banner waving behind that read, "NAME AND CLAIM VICTORY TODAY!" Osteen had the jet equipped with a PA system as well, so he could encourage the Afghans, persecuted Christians, and stranded Americans to claim God's best for their lives.
"Stop living in defeat! Live victoriously!" Osteen shouted through a loudspeaker as he passed by. "God doesn't want failure for you! He wants victory! He desires success! Only through your faith can you unlock the power of God for your life and activate His plan for you to be healthy, wealthy, and successful!"
"This is a new day! Rise up and say, 'This is my time!' Don't sit around in defeat!"
Osteen also tossed copies of his book down to the waiting crowd so they could learn to live their best life now.
"Stop being poooooooor!!!" he shouted as he flew away, proud of himself for having given everything he could offer to help the Afghans.