LOS ANGELES, CA—Local socialist man Brandon Paul was doing some gardening in his front yard this morning when he had a really good idea: to step on a rake.
He'd previously stepped on 79 other rakes, each time resulting in the gardening implement smacking him in the face. But those times weren't "real stepping on a rake," he insisted.
"Yes, it hasn't been done well in the past," he said, his face bandaged from the dozens of failed attempts. "There have been some implementation problems, I'll be the first to admit. But with the right attitude and maybe just the right kind of rake, it would result in a blissful experience."
Paul stepped on the rake, and sure enough, the handle came flying up and conked him on the face.
"Ah, another attempt that wasn't real stepping on a rake. Next time will do the trick, for sure."
At publishing time, Paul had decided he would try democratic stepping on a rake, where his friends all vote on whether he steps on the rake, and then he steps on it and smacks his face.