WASHINGTON, D.C. — Contrary to popular belief, Republican lawmakers are reportedly glad that they lost the election because now they will have an excuse for not getting anything done.
When the new Congress begins on January 3, Republicans will no longer be in charge, which means they can sit back and relax instead of pretending to work. Now, when the country plunges into an economic recession due to poor economic policies, and prices spiral further out of control, Republicans can just sort of shrug.
"It's a huge relief," said Senate Majority Leader John Thune. "So glad I don't have to keep pretending I don't have the votes for the Save Act. Gives me more time to plan the next dog parade. This year the theme is Dune!"
"It's been really hard being in charge," Mike Johnson, the outgoing Speaker of the House, said. "All those eyes looking at you for guidance. Man, I just want to go bowling. Can't people see that?"
Democrats admitted they have big shoes to fill. "I don't credit the Republicans for much, but we've been very impressed by how little they accomplished," said Sen. Chuck Schumer, who may be in line to be majority leader in the Senate. "But I'm not sure I can care so little."
At publishing time, conservative commentators also said they were thankful for the election outcome, noting that they could now complain about do-nothing Democrats instead of do-nothing Republicans.
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