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Nation To Use Coronavirus As Convenient Excuse To Quarantine California

U.S.—As many cases of Coronavirus have now popped up in California despite the governor's insistence that the state is a Coronavirus-free zone, the nation has announced a quarantine of California, though it's pretty clear at this point the virus is simply a great excuse to quarantine the state that many have wanted to seal off for years.

"We are quarantining California, as we've finally got a reasonable excuse to pull it off," said one CDC official. "We've been waiting for a flimsy excuse for many years, and this outbreak was the perfect chance for us to wall off the state that's destroying the rest of the country."

"Though if we're being honest here, it's just because it's California. This has been a long time coming."

"Uh, yeah, sure, Coronavirus is the reason that we're sealing all Californians in there for an indefinite period of time," President Trump said at a press conference, holding back laughter. "Hope they stay safe there."

As the Coronavirus's weakness seems to be water, a further measure will see California hacked off with a giant saw as in a Bugs Bunny cartoon and drowned in the sea.

"It's the only way to be sure."

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