AKRON, OH—According to witnesses of the miraculous event, an amorphous clump of cells was instantaneously transformed into a beautiful, fully formed human baby the moment it was delivered at Grace Hospital Wednesday afternoon.
“Our little bundle of joy is so precious,” mother Hannah Bramer told reporters as she held her baby boy for the first time. “It’s hard to believe little Ashton was an unrecognizable blob of tissue just a few minutes ago.”
“I have no idea how this happened, but I am so happy,” she added.
Doctors who witnessed the occurrence claim it was nothing short of a medical miracle.
“The baby you see was indeed just a part of that woman’s body, moments ago,” the doctor who delivered the child said. “He is now clearly a separate, unique human being—just like that. We’re all fascinated, honestly. It’s astounding. We have no explanation.”
Breaking: Paypal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered Paypal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added Paypal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.