MONTECITO, CA — Princess and former General Hospital extra Meghan Markle was horrified to learn Netflix cameras have been filming her at her home and following her around while she baked beautiful desserts and harvested fresh vegetables from her organic garden.
"Oh no! They found me!" Markle yelled in frustration while arranging flowers in a hand-thrown pottery vase on her patio under studio lighting. "How ever did they gain entrance to my perfectly clean mansion and witness my totally authentic, traditional, and charming lifestyle?"
Markle demanded the Netflix crew respect her privacy as she sat in hair and makeup prepping to make a light and tangy summer salad dressing with Oprah. Later in the day, she called over a producer to make sure the Netflix camera crew left her alone while she gathered farm-fresh eggs from her $500,000 chicken coop while wearing a $2,000 designer dress.
"There they are again!" Markle exclaimed. "I just want to be left alone while I walk around my estate with my celebrity friends, maybe sharing a glass of the 1997 Pinot Gris with Mindy Kaling, perhaps while Harry makes a quick, contractural appearance in the dining room for a brief side hug, or when I'm smiling lovingly at the backside of my children who can't be filmed due to contract disputes with the child-labor unions."
At publishing time, Markle was seen chasing down the Netflix camera crew as they drove down her driveway, insisting they come back and invade her privacy some more because George Clooney is coming over and these fresh little bruschetta bites aren't going to film themselves.
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