ATLANTA, GA — Federal election monitors confirmed Thursday that millions of mail-in ballots cast for Democratic candidates nationwide have been traced back to 12-foot-tall plastic lawn skeletons.
The committee revealed that while thousands of suburban homeowners believed the giant plastic decorations were simply festively adorning their front yards, the oversized skeletons were actively participating in local, state, and federal elections.
"We became suspicious when voter turnout in the 12-to-15-foot demographic reached into the millions," said lead investigator Greg Vance. "Upon further review, every single one of these giant skeletal figures was registered as a lifelong democrat. The vast majority of Democratic voter rolls are actually skeletons, it turns out."
According to records, the massive lawn ornaments all have clever voter names, such as "Indiana Bones" and "Rick R. Mortus". Though Republicans complained that the skeletons' votes were fraudulent, election officials stated that it was too late to do anything about it.
At publishing time, homeowners had announced plans to leave the skeletons up for several months so as not to participate in voter suppression.
Tucker Carlson is just asking questions about World War 2. Why was it even fought? Was Hitler really such a bad guy? And why did Churchill never denounce the trans agenda?
